Well, uh, you remember what I said about sometimes people need to hear a lie so they can keep moving forward . . . ?
[That’s you, bud.]
I don’t think he was, uh, lying so much as trying to make sure you could keep moving forward. And he probably wanted to believe it, right? [He twiddles his thumbs together, mostly because, well. He’s kind of the same type of person. Someone who will lie because they want to believe everything will be okay, will work out somehow, because they want to make someone they care about feel better.] I, uh, don’t think he was doing it because he just thinks you’re dangerous or something, he was trying to make sure you were going to be okay.
[Oh. Hmm. That's - he hadn't thought of it that way. He's thought this whole time that maybe he couldn't be angry because he's dangerous, but that's sort of an ugly thing to feel. Like you can't be trusted by those around you to experience your own real feelings, even when something truly awful happens to you, without becoming a problem that has to be resolved. He can forgive Dimple for feeling like that a little bit, but it doesn't mean he can forgive a person who's been telling him, all along, "just listen to me and you'll be fine." Who has been reassuring him over his fears about his powers for years now, only so he can manipulate him into working for him. You can't really be generous to someone like that, even if you understand.
But he also knows that isn't how he always felt about it. He just can't remember what it was, about Reigen, that made him again and again decide to look the other way and pretend to be convinced by things that were obviously untrue. He's been assuming it's what everyone else has seemed to agree it was - he's gullible, easily taken advantage of.
Is it actually as simple as the idea that Reigen cares about him?
Even if that's not a true answer, it's a nice answer.]
[ One morning, you wake up - Lup wants you to meet in the kitchen, and… she seems just… so tired. And she explains that, during the night, a city called Cordelia was destroyed by the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, and… estimates put the death toll in the low thousands. And Lup tells you all this with a stone-faced expression and adjourns the meeting and everybody kind of goes back to their quarters, except you. You stick around.
“You know you didn’t… mean… to make something like that. I understood the rationale you came up with, I mean… it was just damage, it was just… damage. The other ones that we made, it can be twisted and perverted in so many different ways, and I think— at least the way you explained it to me, that by making something that was just… damage, you would limit it— you didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
She won’t meet your eyes. “I know that, Taako. I know, I— and I know it’s good, like— The Hunger’s not here, and The Hunger’s worse than anything we've done, I get all that. I just— I can’t help but ask… did we make the right decision?”
“I mean, hindsight’s 20/20.”
“Yeah.”
“ We don’t, who knows if— if the shield would have worked. You know, sometimes there aren’t right decisions. Sometimes there’s just decisions, I mean— at the scale that we’re talking about, the devastation The Hunger brought to all those worlds? I can say pretty certainly that— it’s better than that, right?”
“ It’s got to be, I know. You’re right.”
She still looks really bummed out.
You sigh, deeply. “Okay, I’ll do it one time!”
You go to the record player turn on a truly heinous song and do an incredible dance routine. One unable to be put into words. You do it because it always makes Lup laugh. ‘Cause it’s really ridiculous.
She laughs, she laughs so hard she has to sit down at the kitchen table, and she watches the rest of your performance, and…She laughs so hard that she is, like, crying a little bit? And she wipes those tears from her eyes and says,
“ Taako, I can’t… I couldn’t have done any of this without you. I wouldn’t have made it here without you. I… I know we don’t say this enough, but… Thank you.”
Because this is a memory, however, you know something. That was the last conversation you ever had with your sister.
When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful, and poetic, and satisfying; others are… abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy. Where Lup went, she didn’t intend to end up there, and she certainly didn’t intend to spend as much time away as she did. But from your perspective?
Lup was there, and then the next day she wasn’t. And you all searched for her—Barry tirelessly, painfully so—but she was nowhere to be found.
And all you had to go on was a note that she left behind on that kitchen table. And its two-word message offered no clues to her whereabouts, but simply a promise that was left unfulfilled:
[Just watching Taako do the thong song and he actually doesn't like him anymore -
No, just kidding. He smiles, actually, cheering up a little. It's sweet. Taako is a good brother, even if he knows he can't tell him that. So that only makes it hurt worse, when he tries and tries but she won't tell him what's wrong, and then she leaves.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2020-10-29 06:12 pm (UTC)[Sorry. He can tell this is upsetting. But also, if he doesn’t want to talk about . . . ?]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-29 08:52 pm (UTC)After a long minute.]
. . . He was lying, right?
no subject
Date: 2020-10-29 11:04 pm (UTC)[Easily! Obviously he was lying, but. Taako has seen what Mob’s face looked like when the lie was said, so, he can’t be too judgmental.]
But, uh, I think he was trying to help.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-29 11:09 pm (UTC)It could have been even worse than that. It could have been much, much worse. I can't blame Dimple for being afraid.
But. . . [It's more complicated than that, with Reigen.] Reigen-san. . .has lied to me about so many things.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-29 11:25 pm (UTC)[That’s you, bud.]
I don’t think he was, uh, lying so much as trying to make sure you could keep moving forward. And he probably wanted to believe it, right? [He twiddles his thumbs together, mostly because, well. He’s kind of the same type of person. Someone who will lie because they want to believe everything will be okay, will work out somehow, because they want to make someone they care about feel better.] I, uh, don’t think he was doing it because he just thinks you’re dangerous or something, he was trying to make sure you were going to be okay.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-30 01:00 am (UTC)But he also knows that isn't how he always felt about it. He just can't remember what it was, about Reigen, that made him again and again decide to look the other way and pretend to be convinced by things that were obviously untrue. He's been assuming it's what everyone else has seemed to agree it was - he's gullible, easily taken advantage of.
Is it actually as simple as the idea that Reigen cares about him?
Even if that's not a true answer, it's a nice answer.]
. . . Oh.
1/2
Date: 2020-10-30 01:03 am (UTC)[oh but. another bubble is popping. hold on.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-30 01:04 am (UTC)“You know you didn’t… mean… to make something like that. I understood the rationale you came up with, I mean… it was just damage, it was just… damage. The other ones that we made, it can be twisted and perverted in so many different ways, and I think— at least the way you explained it to me, that by making something that was just… damage, you would limit it— you didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
She won’t meet your eyes. “I know that, Taako. I know, I— and I know it’s good, like— The Hunger’s not here, and The Hunger’s worse than anything we've done, I get all that. I just— I can’t help but ask… did we make the right decision?”
“I mean, hindsight’s 20/20.”
“Yeah.”
“ We don’t, who knows if— if the shield would have worked. You know, sometimes there aren’t right decisions. Sometimes there’s just decisions, I mean— at the scale that we’re talking about, the devastation The Hunger brought to all those worlds? I can say pretty certainly that— it’s better than that, right?”
“ It’s got to be, I know. You’re right.”
She still looks really bummed out.
You sigh, deeply. “Okay, I’ll do it one time!”
You go to the record player turn on a truly heinous song and do an incredible dance routine. One unable to be put into words. You do it because it always makes Lup laugh. ‘Cause it’s really ridiculous.
She laughs, she laughs so hard she has to sit down at the kitchen table, and she watches the rest of your performance, and…She laughs so hard that she is, like, crying a little bit? And she wipes those tears from her eyes and says,
“ Taako, I can’t… I couldn’t have done any of this without you. I wouldn’t have made it here without you. I… I know we don’t say this enough, but… Thank you.”
Because this is a memory, however, you know something. That was the last conversation you ever had with your sister.
When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful, and poetic, and satisfying; others are… abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy. Where Lup went, she didn’t intend to end up there, and she certainly didn’t intend to spend as much time away as she did. But from your perspective?
Lup was there, and then the next day she wasn’t. And you all searched for her—Barry tirelessly, painfully so—but she was nowhere to be found.
And all you had to go on was a note that she left behind on that kitchen table. And its two-word message offered no clues to her whereabouts, but simply a promise that was left unfulfilled:
“Back Soon.” ]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-30 03:21 am (UTC)No, just kidding. He smiles, actually, cheering up a little. It's sweet. Taako is a good brother, even if he knows he can't tell him that. So that only makes it hurt worse, when he tries and tries but she won't tell him what's wrong, and then she leaves.]
My little brother is a little like that, too.
[Is. . . he? Anyway, wait.]
. . . what did you see just now?
no subject
Date: 2020-10-30 03:35 am (UTC)Literally fuckin’ static. Nothing.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-30 03:41 am (UTC)You were being nice to somebody.