Hm. Ah, here's a funny joke I heard once. Here goes.
[He clears his throat, and starts.]
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter himself was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
"Come with me," said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a huge mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a terrible old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. "Wait, I think you are a little mixed up," said the priest. "Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word."
"Yes, that's true." St Peter replied, "But during your sermons, people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed."
[Tapping his finger on his chin while he thinks His Retort over, before he straightens up in his seat.]
A priest hooks a huge fish.
Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!"
"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry Father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish."
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church.
"Look at this huge fucker!" says the priest, spotting the bishop.
"Language, please! this is God's house," replies the bishop.
"No, no that's what this fish is called," says the priest.
"Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that fucker and we could have it for dinner."
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the Mother Superior.
"Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her.
"My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked.
"No, sister that's what the fish is called - a fucker," says the bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, "Wonderful, I'll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!"
The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it.
"Well, I caught the fucker!" says the priest.
"And I cleaned the fucker!" says the bishop.
"And I cooked the fucker!" says the mother superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says:
[And then it starts - a snicker at first, that then just turns into a loud boisterous laugh. Pure, sincere, unadulterated joy comes over the connection, and Hansa even goes as far as to slap his own knee.]
Not even a little bitty one? Tiny one? Five dollars off?
[He offers, grinning. But the last statement just makes him nod, understanding. They all need time off from this nonsense.]
Ha, well, I'm always around. A priest has to serve the people, right? [Is there...a hint of affection in the connection?] But sure. I'm happy to help our local celebrity.
[hansa you've fucked up so bad. you've fallen for the Taako gambit, where is a horrible little gremlin and now you will find that charming for the rest of your days. this is how he's made all of his friends. For his part, Taako certainly isn't feeling all that standoffish, which is as close to Fond as he's able most days.]
As long as you don't try and wrangle murder confessions outta in me in public, then we're all good.
[you say this like hansa isn't a horrible little gremlin himself and is just happy to have someone he vibe with, being his horrible little gremlin self around forever]
Does that mean I can wrangle them out of you in private? How generous.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2020-10-14 03:19 am (UTC)Yeah, I'm bored. Come say some entertaining shit to me.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-14 03:25 am (UTC)[He moves to sit next to him, though, pulling off his hat to set on the counter.]
What kind of entertainment do you need? I have stories, but I can't say if they're that fun or not.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-14 08:23 pm (UTC)Juuuuust try your best, I guess?
no subject
Date: 2020-10-14 10:07 pm (UTC)Hm. Ah, here's a funny joke I heard once. Here goes.
[He clears his throat, and starts.]
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter himself was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
"Come with me," said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a huge mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a terrible old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set. "Wait, I think you are a little mixed up," said the priest. "Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word."
"Yes, that's true." St Peter replied, "But during your sermons, people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed."
no subject
Date: 2020-10-15 05:17 pm (UTC)I could really ruin your joke right now by pulling a lil', uh, "what's a taxi, I'm from a Fantasy" play right now.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-15 05:19 pm (UTC)[He's smirking wide.]
no subject
Date: 2020-10-15 06:15 pm (UTC)[Tapping his finger on his chin while he thinks His Retort over, before he straightens up in his seat.]
A priest hooks a huge fish.
Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!"
"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry Father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish."
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church.
"Look at this huge fucker!" says the priest, spotting the bishop.
"Language, please! this is God's house," replies the bishop.
"No, no that's what this fish is called," says the priest.
"Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that fucker and we could have it for dinner."
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the Mother Superior.
"Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her.
"My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked.
"No, sister that's what the fish is called - a fucker," says the bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, "Wonderful, I'll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!"
The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it.
"Well, I caught the fucker!" says the priest.
"And I cleaned the fucker!" says the bishop.
"And I cooked the fucker!" says the mother superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says:
"You know what? You cunts are alright."
no subject
Date: 2020-10-15 10:48 pm (UTC)[And then it starts - a snicker at first, that then just turns into a loud boisterous laugh. Pure, sincere, unadulterated joy comes over the connection, and Hansa even goes as far as to slap his own knee.]
Oh! That really is a good one! Hahaha!
no subject
Date: 2020-10-15 11:17 pm (UTC)See, now that's a good joke. I'm amazing at this! Coulda done standup.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-15 11:24 pm (UTC)[There's nothing but sheer friendliness and amusement from Hansa. Sometimes you just...............genuinely like a very funny elf.]
I'd definitely pay to go see it! Especially if you do whole outfit changes. That'd be awesome.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-16 12:02 am (UTC)No discounts, just like before.
[Snorting another laugh though.]
I, uh-- [He would say thanks, but he doesn't know how]. Needed to not think about bullshit for like five minutes.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-16 12:09 am (UTC)[He offers, grinning. But the last statement just makes him nod, understanding. They all need time off from this nonsense.]
Ha, well, I'm always around. A priest has to serve the people, right? [Is there...a hint of affection in the connection?] But sure. I'm happy to help our local celebrity.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-16 12:39 am (UTC)As long as you don't try and wrangle murder confessions outta in me in public, then we're all good.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-16 12:41 am (UTC)Does that mean I can wrangle them out of you in private? How generous.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-16 12:45 am (UTC)Well you won't get very far. I don't know shit about fuck, especially about murders.
no subject
Date: 2020-10-16 12:49 am (UTC)[He shakes his head, attempting to be reassuring.]
We're all trying to figure things out. You're in a big boat with a lot of others.